The Cake Is Not Quite A Lie

[texasdreamer01]

Title and Platform: The Cake Is Not Quite A Lie (AO3) (tumblr)
Recipient: celestialwarzone
Rating: Teen

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Characters: En Dwi Gast | Grandmaster, Loki, Original Animal Character(s)

Additional Tags: Marriage Allows Spouses to Share Mutant or Magical Powers, Training the cat to be the ring bearer, Characters Keep "Forgetting" to Annul Accidental Marriage, Family disapproves of marriage

Summary:

"“You, my dear,” He marveled, taking in the pleasing, bewildered flush across the other’s features, “Are an absolute genius. The best of both worlds! See, this sort of brilliance is why I married you.”"


"Okay, now, once more!" He leaned back to clap his hands, gesturing encouragingly, "From the top!"

The man standing by the other table raised his eyebrows, gaze not deviating from the bouquet before him. "I don’t quite think that will work, dear," He said, staring meditatively at the arrangement of carnations and roses. One of the blue ones was shuffled around, and he picked up a pair of shears to clip one of the thorny vines woven between the stems "Cats of that breed aren’t well known for their ability to act."

As if in agreement, the Norwegian Forest kitten mewed, managing to look ruffled and disgruntled despite the silk sash tied delicately around its neck. It was a gift from Thor scarcely a month ago, a surprisingly thoughtful blend of Asgard and Earth traditions from the newly-coronated king. They were told the… gift would not reach a height typical to Asgardian breeds, but would be formidable nonetheless.

Loki was quite sure that it liked En Dwi better, given the way it always perked up for a scritch from his spouse. At least it has good taste, I suppose.

"I’ll have you know I ran a successful play for months on Asgard," He sniffed, giving up the cause for lost when Kitkat jumped out of reach, and pointed a finger at the other man, "And they didn’t even know it was me until Thor came around!"

En Dwi hummed, tapping a few of the flowers to shift them into slightly different colours. His amused smirk was highlighted by the sparkling blue stripe down his bottom lip, pursed attractively as he patted Kitkat on the head with a murmured endearment, "Big brothers will do that," He reminded Loki, looking contemplatively at the cat’s unruly mop of fur, "Or at least, so I’m told. Did he ever send that RSVP? It would be quite delightful if he took part in our wedding… play."

For his part, Loki sighed, materializing their running list of guests to check it again. They had decided to go with a period of feasting and various delights that tickled both their senses of mischief, and as much as his lover was fond of his gladiator fights, it would be difficult to convince Thor into another one no matter how… nuptial the reason.

His brother’s name still glowed a faint purple, a mark of undecided acknowledgement. Loki frowned, poking the listing in order to bother the now-king with a reminder. En Dwi had helpfully provided invites that merged with his shapeshifting magic, and while the tablets were a baffling marvel of invention, the pattern of acceptances and rejections was bizarre.

"I think he might attend if the Hulk does," He muttered, not overtly fond of the idea. Some of the Earthlings had accepted, and Loki thought that was rather out of curiosity’s sake. He was, rightfully, considered a menace on that planet, but what was a little bit of chaos between friends?

"A little bit, indeed," His spouse murmured in amusement, head tucked onto his shoulder. Loki melted into the grasp, some of the tension of wedding planning draining from him at the snug embrace.

"This is a bit ridiculous," He griped, waving around the scroll as it curled back up with a sharp snick. "We already married in order to get past customs, why do we need another wedding?"

"For the week-long feasting and gladiator fighting in our name?" En Dwi suggested, pressing a kiss to his neck that yet managed to imprint an amused curl of lips. Loki shivered, poking one of the man’s arms regardless for the gladiator suggestion, and was met with a shrug that set the two of them into a rocking sway.

It was… nice, and still novel despite them technically having been married for some time now.

En Dwi was content to let the matter rest for a moment, more concerned with the way their thoughts met and tangled in an equally luxurious, languid slide. It was one of his more favourite ways to kiss, and the joy of a partner capable of reciprocating was one of the finer pleasures in life. He supposed their haphazard, spontaneous bonding in order to get their conveniently-forged passports approved was only the tipping point of their admittedly equally as spontaneous relationship.

The thought that Loki had become one of the few entities both able and willing to interact with him so intimately sent a certain zing through him, and he tightened his grasp, pleased to hear the sigh and feel the subtle relaxation at the gesture. How lucky I am, En Dwi mused, letting the thought tangle into Loki’s mind, layered in an affection to a depth he was pleased but unaccustomed to showing.

It was a sentiment quickly pinged back to him, roiled and layered in the nuances of Loki’s particular flavour. "How about this," His lover spoke, voice dropped into a rumbling groan at the entanglement of their thoughts, quicksilvered and heart-deep, "We’ll have a play of your gladiatorial ring, and leave spots open for volunteers to participate."

En Dwi gasped in startled delight, turning Loki around for an enthusiastic kiss. "You, my dear," He marveled, taking in the pleasing, bewildered flush across the other’s features, "Are an absolute genius. The best of both worlds! See, this sort of brilliance is why I married you."

It took a moment for Loki to recover from the onslaught of gropingly enthusiastic adoration, but he managed to worm a hand flickering blue and cold onto his chest, matching with a sardonically arched brow, "Oh, not because of my ability to sneak us onto a new planet?"

He took the hand clasped to his breast and pressed kisses to its digits, delighting in the condensation chilling his lips and the flustered sound his spouse made at the gesture, "Both, I think," Was his mild response, spoken with a waggle of brows and a nip at the fingers in his hold. The blush was rather flattering, he thought, tempted to let them deviate off-track. But alas- "I can see if anyone from Sakaar could be bribed with a few hot meals, hm?"

Loki tittered, tapping his fingers reprovingly against his spouse’s unfortunately distracting lips. "We shan’t be paying a cent for this wedding, will we?"

"Mmm, no, not if I can help it." He replied unrepentantly, winking half for the habit and mostly to see how long it took for the other to start trembling, "A favour is a favour, after all. Even if I have to swindle for it."

"I love you," Loki sighed beatifically, reaching up to twine his fingers into En Dwi’s hair. Then, in a slightly less soppy tone, he asked, "You’re going to get us in so much trouble, aren’t you?"

He laughed, crooking a finger to let the invitations scroll that had been floating morosely all by its lonesome to realign itself into one of the many voluminous pockets in his robes, stealing another parry of kisses while he was at it.

"You would be magnificently bored if I didn’t, dearest. A little bit of chaos keeps you on your toes," He punctuated the statement by lifting Loki by the waist, just enough to sweep his toes along the fashionably garish rug, a rather rewarding gasp meeting his efforts, "And then you’d be causing mischief elsewhere in the galaxy, without me along to entertain you."

The image of a traipsing, much younger Loki flitted across his mind, a montage of youthful history flitting past him. En Dwi smirked at a few of the bashfully recollected memories, "Horses, dear? I didn’t know you were so adventurous."

"It was one time," Loki groused, too content anyway to move from the relaxed slouch against his spouse, "Hardly likely to happen again."

His spouse stifled a laugh, the play at politeness speaking volumes of his thoughts. "That’s alright," En Dwi mused, his own brand of mischief rife in his words, "We have plenty of ideas to occupy ourselves with."

"Like a cake."

"And lots of it, preferably," He nodded, altogether too tickled by the entire concept of a wedding after they’ve already married. There was this bakery on Lotho that could be persuaded… I wonder how well cake travels in hyperspace.

"Only as good as the coolant, I’m afraid," Loki interrupted his idling thoughts, huffing dramatically, "Thor and I found that one out the hard way."

En Dwi stared in bafflement at his spouse, "Why were you transporting a cake?"

"Mjölnir."

That… did not clear up the situation any, but this was presumably another one of those sibling things. He poked the list of invites again, changing Thor’s name to an acceptable green. A story like that was too unique to be left as a groused footnote! Perhaps the king would be so kind as to trade a story for a spot in the marriage play.

A sigh tickled at his throat. "You know," Loki said, a shade petulant, "You could just ask Thor to come. He probably would if you did so nicely enough."

Loki indubitably knew his brother better, but curiosity got the best of him. "… Why? He ransacked most of the stadium and stole my pleasure liner on the way out."

It seemed logical, but apparently was not, judging by the combination of flat, pitying stare and colourful thoughts that contradicted it. "Because he’s dutiful," His lover corrected, feeling strongly enough about the issue to detract a hand from where it was twirling En Dwi’s hair around his fingers to visually articulate his point, "Or some such. Honestly, I have no idea why he sticks to such antiquated ideals, but it’s certainly a valid point to be leveraged."

En Dwi nodded slowly, brows furrowing as he slotted together this new dynamic into his understanding of Asgard royal family dynamics. "Well," He said cheerfully, resolving anyway to drag the other Odinson by hook or by crook to their wedding, "At least we won’t have to invite Hela."

"And thank the stars for that," Loki muttered, "Don’t need that much doom and gloom for a solid week."

Kitkat mewed in agreement from where they were perched near their feet. It seemed the kitten carried over its patron’s distance of all things dreary, fur puffed up in affront at the idea of his late sister attending the festivities. Loki shuffled carefully out of his spouse’s hug to pick up the kitten, smiling faintly at its vocal distaste, "Yes, I agree, the only fighting should be scripted and entirely fake."

En Dwi pouted mournfully, making him huff and amend his statement, "Mostly fake." The kitten squirmed, settling onto Loki’s shoulder, "And entirely entertaining, as it ought to be."

"You know…" Loki’s spouse drawled, his eyes sparkling with a new idea, "We could always make the last feast day about our wedding."

"Spectacularly astute, you are," He replied dryly, "As all the days will be about our wedding."

En Dwi huffed, and Loki thought it was a little unfair how attractive he looked even when ostensibly peeved. Still, the little spark of pride that pressed against his own mind acted as its own appeasement, making him lean into the arm around his waist.

"I meant about our first wedding, dear." That statement had Loki nodding, a grin on his face as he recollected the scattered three weeks of travel as they hopped from planet to planet. "Nobody will ever believe we aren’t already married."

"Nonsense," He interjected smoothly, teasing lilt to his words, "We have plenty of family on my side that want us annulled."

"And are thoroughly too late for that," En Dwi replied smugly.

Loki squirmed himself, flushing at the smattering of memories his spouse brought up. He coughed, "Yes, quite."

His spouse sighed thoughtfully. "… I still want to wear those shoes that- who was it? The woman with the knives-"

"Romanov?"

"- Yes, her. The shoes that she sent, they would be lovely with the new tunic we picked up at the market."

Loki fixed En Dwi with an incredulous stare, "Crocs are not fashionable."

"But they are comfortable!"

Notes:

An honourable mention to the following requested tropes: Everyone thought they were joking about getting married, Over The Top Marriage Proposal, Over The Top Wedding, Someone/Everyone Thinks They're Married, and Wears Crocs To Wedding. I did my best to fit them in somewhere!

Thor gifted Loki with a Norwegian Forest named Kitkat and Darcy is quite proud of being allowed to name it (Thor is an absolute sucker for a good pun and thought it was an excellent idea). It's a direct call-back to Freya's chariot of cats, and I think a sweet gesture of familial bonds between Loki and Thor.